Sawa-Dee-Cup

Some of the photos i took in thailand.. Definitely a rejuvenating trip.. And yes.. we lived like kings and queens in thailand! Now awaiting for my next trip to New Zealand this coming thursday!

It finally came out of my heart...

I've finally said it... Finally plucked up enough courage..

Unfortunately, it kills the heart... It invokes tears...

I've heard the good side and i've heard the bad side of it... Nonetheless, i'm just glad i confessed.

Ask me whether it was a success, i would look deep into your eyes without giving you an answer and you would know the whole story. I wouldn't even be able to tell if it was a success or a failure. All i could do is to dwell in it and ask myself questions. Questions which a scientist couldn't even provide me with an explanation with.

Keep trying... where would i even start from? Pick myself up... How would i ensure not to fall?

Whatever...

It's not the time to dwell over all these... I ought to slap myself silly and wake up. It wasn't a rejection... as i didn't ask for an answer. It was a declaration of truth. I wouldn't know what the future holds for me. As long as i have a single breath in me, i will go on... Your happiness is my happiness.. I wished for your everyday to be so very special...

Is this what i'm supposed to be thinking instead of dwelling in sorrow?

I'll try... =)

Studio shooting

This is Benjamin from the Campus Superstar.. Very lively guy.. Always fooling around but he's like a brother to me.. hahaha.. He likes my cai shen hat cos i have the two things sticking out.. BUT... the hat is the most uncomfortable costume piece.. It's tight and smelly.. The one below is Fu Kuan.. Also from the Campus Superstar.. He kept trying to make me laugh while i was having the beard on.. So when my beard came off twice, it's his fault.. hahahhahaha




These are pictures of my own makeup.. The beard and hat are the most uncomfortable piece.. The beard only allows minimal movement of the mouth.. so no eating... hahaha..

The green background is for the CG to be added in.. So basically we're all acting without any props.. So positioning is the main key.. In which we have lotsa.. caishen.. move a little little bit to your left. Oh no.. a bit to your right.. one step to the front.. oh no.. a tiny step to the back.. LOTSA moving around..

My apologies...

My apologies...

My camera man told me he took pictures of my graduation event.. but in the end, these were the only photos he took! My camera man is non other than my brother! Plus, i had the show recorded but only half of it! I apologise on behalf of my brother.. I'll choke slam him pretty soon..

The End Is The Beginning Is The End

Finally.. 28th October marks the end of the Very Actor's Course. Mixed emotions...

Some may say we've not learnt much, some may say we've learnt nothing.. But i must say the process of everyone growing together was a valuable experience.. An experience i would put it in the album of life.. All framed up and hung nicely on the wall..

The thing i'm most glad about was that both the groups of VA4 or.... AV4 as SOME might call it as.. did well for the graduation play.. We sweat, we bled but it finally paid off!

To the group leaders, it's a relieve.. To the group members, it's more free time over the weekends.. Nevertheless, it ended on a good note and it has all been worth it! Way to GO!

Well.. no matter what happens, how different our routes are in life, i hope that we all still make the effort to keep in contact... cos a course may last a few months.. but a valuable friendship lasts a lifetime...

Guys.. it's the end of the road.. but it's a start for another beginning..

Fear turns into Anticipation

Never mind about the picture.. It's just some random thing done at a random time..

Let's talk about fear turning into anticipation...

All my previous fears have turned into anticipation.. Hmmmm.. Disregarding about the fact that i just got food poisoning a few days back.. 4 days before the graduating play, what am i feeling now? Well... Anticipation.. Firstly, anticipation for it to end.. Secondly, anticipation to graduate alongside with the class and have a sense of relief with the rest of them.. Thirdly, anticipation for what comes after..

Pretty eventful... Besides, my big day has now been postponed to 30th November.. After which, Thailand trip with my good pals.. One to look forward to.. What do you get when 4 crazy dudes go to thailand? Upmost craziness... After days after, another trip to NZ with my family.. Looking forward to that as well cos i'll be seeing my sister..

Nevertheless, i'm glad all those worrying times in the past few months have paid off well.. really made me strive to succeed in what i'll be doing... And my friends.. pray hard for my venture to open up my very own studio hopefully by next year March.. Pretty soon i'll be Boss Shaun! Yeah babyyyyyYYYYY!

The Hunt For Red October

October has finally arrived.. Yes... and time is counting down.. 4 more weekends to go.. 4 more chances to put in more hard work.. 4 more weeks before the curtains are drawn..

BUT..... yet.. There are still problems.. Perhaps.. I focus a lot on other problems to forget about my current problem..

Am I able to pull out of everything in one piece? Will all things be solved at the last minute like always? Will things go smoothly like how i planned it out to be? My heart races as the weeks pace by.. 28th October.. The date that i'll remember.. For 2 things..

Firstly, the graduation play which my group has been facing hiccups all along... First we had a huge script problem.. Now, let me introduce a new problem to you.. A member who M.I.A.. Why in the world would this kind of things occur? Please.. you're old enough to know what's responsibility.. So wise up.. and buck up!

Secondly, when the truth is finally revealed... The stage is set.. for 2 different events.. Will either one be a success? Or will both? Or neither? Well... No point to think so much now.. There's only space left for more hard work and no more screw ups..

When I wish upon a moon...

Tonight, as i look up in the dark,cold sky, i saw the only thing that warms up the dark skies.. The big moon..

In the face of the moon, i could feel the gleaming warmth.. shining down on the dark area of the globe where Singapore lies.. Lighting up the supposed sleepy state of Singapore..

But I took this time to wish upon this moon.. To let the warmth fill up the cold emptiness in my heart..

My dearest mum and my beloved brother.. I have no idea how you both are putting up over in China.. My heart bled when i heard the news about you both being detained and unable to come back.. Relentless tears rolled down my cheek as i stared at my brother's empty bed. I sincerely hope that you both will reach home safe and sound as soon as possible.. If needed for exchange, i would rather exchange 5 years of my life for the safety of both of you..

Talking about wishes, i think many people would think they knew what kind of wish i would have made at this very moment.. Call it my folly, call me dumb.. Because i didn't wish for her to be with me.. i didn't wish for her to feel the same way as how i feel.. Instead, i wished for her well-being.. She has been coughing and it hurts to see her like this.. Therefore, that's how i used up my wish.. It isn't important that she loves me.. Because now i know, my happiness lies in her happiness.. When she smiles, i smile.. When she cries, i cry.. Tonight, i told the moon how much i feel for her.. That's my last straw to keep my sanity..

No matter how long and how hard the road ahead is, i know i have to walk on.. Even if i have to crawl, the journey must still go on. I will never give up on life because i know how precious it is.. and i know other lives are indeed interlinked with mine. No matter how hard the obstacles are to get through, i will crash through them. My new found fuel in life.. my new perspective in life.. i know my life will finally be perfect.. because once again, love has entered into my life and has made my heart human again..

Now, it's time for me to pass the torch and light up someone's life as well.. My dear... will it be you?

Collective memories...

One of the most painful journeys in life..... going around in circles.. Which only means you keep advancing... but only that you think so.. In the end, you're back at where you started..

One of the most disappointing journeys in life...... Being challenged by a friend who seems to be your friend... but would go all out just to win you..

One of the most frustrating moments in life....... To constantly deny a truth that you want so much to reveal... but yet am at the mercy of time..

One of the most ironic melancholy in life........ Loving someone... Periodically being hurt by someone you love and hurt someone who loves you...

One of the most beautiful things in life....... Missing someone... you never know how important that someone is to you til you miss her for almost an eternity...

One of the most important lesson in life........ Do what you deem is right and just... Execute your plan and never look back, never regret...

Nevertheless...

The course has finally come to an abrupt end..

The laughters will be missed.. the fun will be missed...

Nevertheless, the show must go on. Despite the setbacks, the sweat, the blood, the frustration... we still enjoy the rehearsals.. the company.. the jokes.. the craze...

Though many might claim that nothing much has been learnt from the course.. but i must say that several valuable lessons can be learnt..

I've come to learn that patience go a long way. I've come to realize the importance of responsibility. I've come to enjoy putting in hard work just to be able to see what i reap from what i've sown.

I've come to appreciate every single valuable and variable relationship i have with each and every one of them.. An attachment nonetheless.. Given so little time.. Just a short little 3 months.. and it was more than enough bargained for.. Every experience carved deeply into impression. All but one... has carved an even deeper impression.. And that very one is..................................... woah woah woah... hold on a sec... i ain't gonna expose this... not here..

Happy faces.. All around me... i think ultimately that's the prized possession from this course.. Smile my mates! We started of at a high note.. Now let's show them what we can achieve and let's end this on an even higher note!

As frustrated as frustration can be...

FRUSTRATION sets in amicably.. With all the worries of the play, with all the endless discussion of the script. I mean.. Hey.. we're merely actors... not scriptwriters. Somehow, the course planners didn't realize THEY should be the ones coming up with the script for us to act out..

One disclaimer... In the mentioned story, names are changed to protect the identities...

Let me tell you a story about one...

We all love people with many ideas right? But i'm facing a dilema.. Danny has lots of ideas.. And oh yeah... i mean a hell lotta ideas! Unfortunately, not expressed in the right way because when he expresses it to us, we get real mad... Not that we're bias and all jealous that Danny has a good idea but however Danny expresses it, it never fails to make me and Kered feel like crap asses who worked our ass through the night for no shit reason. I know... i know.... it sounds like i'm rather mad about this.. but seriously.. i'm far too tired to really bother about this. We don't have time for this.. We need to complete the script.. We need to get the props.. We need to rehearse.. We need to act it out next week in front of the teachers.. We DON'T NEED an arguement with Danny.

Terry.. You did me proud today.. Really did quite well indeed! But please keep it up.. Don't give up.. and DON'T FOOL AROUND.. Please... Continue being serious.. It's good for you too.. A compliment or sarcasm? Judge it yourself.. I'm sincere though..

Kered.. I understand how you feel. But we've agreed to spur each other on to bear with it.. Oh ya... why am i hiding for? Bear with it? It's just Danny we have to bear with.. But comrade.. i salute you for your effort.. Really appreciate it.. My hainanese beef noodles nice? hahahhaha...

Yan.. Although you were relatively quiet during our discussions, but you are really putting in effort! Way to go! Definitely an inspiration to others!

Alley.. You've been really supportive all this while and i think we're all really glad with the effort you're putting in.. Keep it up!

EE... You were really quiet as well in usual cases.. but when you act, gosh.. you're a whole different person! And way to go for speaking up today! You have words of wisdom.. don't keep it inside..

Shan.. We missed you today.. Awaiting for your return... Lots to catch up... =)

Endy.. Wow... you impressed me with your acting.. Really immersive acting you've got there.. Although i know it's kind of a depressing thing to have Terry as your husband for the play.. But we've made changes for your benefit... No worries.. Remember.. the pat push that you give him during the play is also for your benefit.. Make full use of it! =)

Lynn.. Your enthusiasm, though seasonal, warms my heart.. For i know this is one of the reasons i work hard for the script.. To be appreciated. Your support is also accepted with glee.. for it is important for sustenance.. A reason to really ponder about?

Nevertheless, we're all in this together.. love it or hate it, it's your own prerogative.. It's your call.. Hate it, and suffer on.. because there's nothing else you can do.. Love it and at least enjoy while it lasts.. I would choose to enjoy it.. Not because i took part in writing the 'LOUSY' script.. But because EVERYONE chipped in their ideas.. So on a last note.. Danny.. Don't say that the script is crap.. Because people who matter to me played a part in it as well..

If black was white and white was black...

I know i don't usually do this... as in i mean both.. 1)update my blog 2)ramble about my daily life events but... Time is closing on.. Approximately a month before the final play kicks off.. It would be great if every single one is making the effort.. unfortunately, some are not and are even disrupting the efficiency! BUT i guess there's nothing to ramble about because i believe everyone has experience that before.. One member of the project group not working it out.. We'd all like to strangle that one person right?

Yes thanks to my sister and her claims about me being emo... It's not that i want to be emo.. but many times, it's rather hard for me to express the way i want to.. So blogs are always a way of thrashing things out right? So there! It has served its purpose! hahahhaha~ Now.. I have a resolution for myself.. TRY NOT TO MAKE THINGS THAT ARE NOT COMPLICATED, COMPLICATED. As if that's not complicating enough.. It's either a "YES" or a "NO"... no "MAYBE"s... I realized my friends are telling me that i no longer give clear-cut answers.. i'm always sitting in the middle of the fence.. (Painful for the arse... up the.... erm... let's just stop here) Yup... So that's my resolution..

Matters of the heart..

Dilema.. never once was it easy when it comes to matters of the heart..

Why is love complicated? Human at fault is my guess.. Love never started out as a complicated matter.. It's simple, straightforward, pure, unconditional..

My dear.. how i wish it was so easy to tell you what i feel.. but yet, i'm afraid to say what my heart wants me to say..

God....... help me..

My friend... Where have you been?

My desperate call out for a missing friend...

I know you'll read my blog.. Where have you been? Why all the "wrong number" tactics? What have i done wrong? I really don't understand.. It could have been a lot easier on me if you were to tell me what went wrong... Again...

Long talks we had in the past.. were they unreal? Enjoyable dates we had in the past.. Were they fictional? I didn't think so.. Remember you said you wanted our friendship to last forever? I really hope you meant that as much as i did...

You are important to me.. in my life.. in my mind and in my heart... Even though we may not be able to bring this somewhere further, your friendship is valuable to me.. and it has always been.. Why would i have lost you yet again?

Please come back....

Down the boulevard of broken dreams

As the sun sets, you now know that you no longer have time to finish what you long to do.. Life is an irony.. The more you set your heart to grasp something, the further it goes away from you.. Something like grabbing a fish out of water with bare hands.. Wouldn't the life be a whole lot easier if one you loved reciprocrated the same to you as well? But i guess life was never meant to be easy..

A journey i'm setting out to take alone.. My friends.. some journeys have to be taken alone.. i know all of you will want to embark on this journey with me but this time it'll be me alone.. but i hope to see all of you when i reach my destination..

I want to love the world... but has the world ever loved me?

My dear friend... you don't have to go thru these..

You can move on. You will move on. It will take time. But you can speed up the process. There are things you can do.

Certain ways of thinking and acting are holding you back. Other ways of thinking and acting can help you move forward. You may be ambivalent about letting go of some of the things you are doing that are holding you back. There may be pleasures associated with these behaviors. Having dinner with him, for instance, may have felt good in certain ways. But it was an indulgence you could ill afford. It set you back.

But if you want to move forward, you can. There are things you can do. You can harden yourself with the facts. Get the facts in your head. Hammer them in there. Say these things to yourself: He is not coming back. This thing is over. He is the ex. He is gone. That relationship is in the past. He has moved on. You don't need him. You made the right decision. You were smart to break up with him. You had the courage and the intelligence to do the right thing, in spite of how hard it was. What he's doing now is of no concern to you.

As you try to cleanse your mind of him, also cleanse your house. Whatever keepsakes you have around the house, get rid of them. Do not know his phone number. If his phone number is programmed into your cellphone, delete it. If his picture is displayed in your house, put it away somewhere. (If in cleaning the house you find yourself pausing with keepsakes, stop it! Don't pause to remember! Just put it away!) Do not discuss him with friends. Refuse to learn anything about his new girlfriend. Do not picture her in his car. Do not picture her at all. Do not picture either one of them. Banish him from your mind. Do it forcefully.

You will be happier once you do this.

But you may encounter resistance from yourself. After all, you are waging an internal struggle. So if you find yourself unable to stop thinking about him or imagining the future with him, try this: Sit quietly somewhere, when you have an hour or so of spare time. Perhaps when you are lying in bed about to go to sleep, or in the afternoon sitting in a park, or in the morning with coffee, or -- I don't know when, why am I suggesting times? That isn't important! What is important is that you consider carefully the content of each thought you have concerning this boyfriend.

What do you feel when you think about having broken up with him? Do you feel regret? That's OK. You can feel regret. It doesn't mean you have to change it. It's done. You may regret your decision. But it is a material fact: You are broken up. It is over. He is not coming back. He is an ex-boyfriend. Feel the regret. But know that it's done. Embrace these phenomena independently. See how different they are. One is something you do yourself, within yourself. The other is external, done, beyond anyone's control.

Consider also the habitual ways in which you refer to him. If we are having trouble accepting a fact, sometimes we find ways of not saying it. Do you refer to him as your ex-boyfriend, or do you talk around that fact? Make sure in your habits of speech that you say the truth: He is your ex-boyfriend. If someone asks, say you are glad you did what you did, even though it has at times been hard. Do not go into detail. Do not rehearse the emotions you have. Let them die out.

You also say, "I can't help remembering our vacations, our travels and how happy (I think) I was with him." Let me suggest to you that even if you believe your are powerless over these memories, try to exercise some control over them. Refuse to luxuriate in them. When you find yourself remembering those times with pleasure, stop. Don't do it. Turn your thoughts to something else.

And above all, if you should find yourself thinking about having dinner with him again any time soon, douse your head in ice water. Dinner with your ex is needless torture. Don't do it. Just don't do it.

Why is it so?

Dry spells.. haven't settled for any jobs yet.. want to but just dun have the self control to.. but anyways, i'm comin by just fine..

Just a short post to recollect some of the recent events.. So SOME people will know what's going on lest they start complaining they have no idea what's happenining.

Camp... This coming thursday.. Wanna go, dun wanna go.. why is this happening? i realized i'm becoming more and more fickle minded... gotta snap out of this.. Firm decisions are a MUST (reminder to self)

Pat... my condolences.. yes i know.. Milan's first goal was a deflection but they still scored 2 against Liverpool right? Yes i know... you called me when Liverpool equalized and perhaps they ought to win but Milan still won it.. Come on... Life goes on.. Next year alright?

Mr Xxxxxx... How could anyone or anything in the world convince you that constant suggestive conversations inclusive of sexual inuendos will NOT get the girl to bed with you.. Grow up.. Be smart..

To say the least... from the crazy banana

My current prized possession...

Come on... i deserved it..

Ok... maybe not.. but i got it anyway..

The X-Box 360.. the tool of my relaxation..

Don't worry friends.. you're not forgotten..





Now.. onto serious stuff..
Thought of the day: If we're all going to die someday, why do we work our asses off for an employer who probably doesn't give a damn about our survival?

Some answers i thought of for some..

Why do some guys cheat? How can i be sure that my guy doesn't?

Now... Of course.. not all guys cheat.. but that's a very good question.. how would i know mine won't? A simple equation: Cheating guys most probably=Always not contended with what they have, Non-Cheating guys most probably=Contended with what they have. Of course...the word is "PROBABLY". It's not a confirmation.. unless i discuss this with my rocket scientist, i'll let you know again. Well, apart from that, it takes two hands to clap.. So it's either the female doesn't know the guy all that well, if not, something the female did is either not right, or not enough. Take it from the farmer.. Why does his cows stay in his farm? That's because they're having a good time! Of course i'm not comparing females to animals or females to cows.. Just my analogy.
AND please do not get the wrong idea and misunderstand it as i'm telling the females to go please their guys.. Down to the bottom line, know your guy inside out. I know it's wrong to say this because my male boos would probably kill me for saying this.. but do what it takes to know what your guy is up to. Trust is essential in a relationship "YES" but trust has to be earned "BIG YES".

How do I get on with life after a broken relationship?

A very common question.. and i believe you've probably asked many people.. It's good to ask questions.. DO NOT bottle things up. I've been through that.. and it hurts like hell. Now.. let's cut the chase and hit it right on spot. Easy.. you SAY you wanna let go but your heart says OTHERWISE. The more confirmations you get from others, the softer the voice is in your heart. My friend... it doesn't work that way! You're simply just drowning out the voice in your heart. After the water dries up, you'll hear it again. The mind holds reasonable thoughts.. the heart doesn't. Follow your heart when it comes to love.. but heal with the mind because practically speaking, the heart is weak but the mind is strong. "I can't do without him!" Did he feed you as you grew up? Did he breathe the breath of life upon you? No! Emotions are in built within us to make us human... they're not there to destroy you!

Hope this helps.. Otherwise, i shall get help from my rocket scientist..

The melancholy life...

I know how some may feel.. that life is a joke?

Why is there only 24 hours in a day? why not 26? why not 28?

Time... Something we all have but yet find so hard to grasp.. So hard to control.. Time.. Something that passes so fast and when you feel that you might just have enough time to do something, it's too late. A relative of mine just got married at the young age of 25. No no... not a shotgun marriage.. A haste to some.. in fact most.. So what now? Is it better to do things too fast? or too slow?

P** **N, for your case, too late for explanations and apologies.. Perhaps we could still be friends if you didn't try to explain things. Explanations... i thought it would be for the better? Guess you did a bad job at that.
You're wrong for one thing. There ARE people whom i appreciate in life.. but you're one of those whom i have come to a dead end and that is as far as our friendship go. I should be forgiving? yes..to a certain extent.. but i'm not God.. i'm human.

On the lighter side of things, time has been partially fair to me.. One friendship all patched up. Just want to tell you that i'm really glad that it worked out this way for us! I'm not sure about you, but it is a matter of importance that i am your friend again.. For i do not want to be only a memory in your life..

Just some random thoughts today.. For tomorrow, it's back to the vicious cycle of my life of melancholy.. the working life.