Matters of the heart..

Dilema.. never once was it easy when it comes to matters of the heart..

Why is love complicated? Human at fault is my guess.. Love never started out as a complicated matter.. It's simple, straightforward, pure, unconditional..

My dear.. how i wish it was so easy to tell you what i feel.. but yet, i'm afraid to say what my heart wants me to say..

God....... help me..

My friend... Where have you been?

My desperate call out for a missing friend...

I know you'll read my blog.. Where have you been? Why all the "wrong number" tactics? What have i done wrong? I really don't understand.. It could have been a lot easier on me if you were to tell me what went wrong... Again...

Long talks we had in the past.. were they unreal? Enjoyable dates we had in the past.. Were they fictional? I didn't think so.. Remember you said you wanted our friendship to last forever? I really hope you meant that as much as i did...

You are important to me.. in my life.. in my mind and in my heart... Even though we may not be able to bring this somewhere further, your friendship is valuable to me.. and it has always been.. Why would i have lost you yet again?

Please come back....

Down the boulevard of broken dreams

As the sun sets, you now know that you no longer have time to finish what you long to do.. Life is an irony.. The more you set your heart to grasp something, the further it goes away from you.. Something like grabbing a fish out of water with bare hands.. Wouldn't the life be a whole lot easier if one you loved reciprocrated the same to you as well? But i guess life was never meant to be easy..

A journey i'm setting out to take alone.. My friends.. some journeys have to be taken alone.. i know all of you will want to embark on this journey with me but this time it'll be me alone.. but i hope to see all of you when i reach my destination..

I want to love the world... but has the world ever loved me?

My dear friend... you don't have to go thru these..

You can move on. You will move on. It will take time. But you can speed up the process. There are things you can do.

Certain ways of thinking and acting are holding you back. Other ways of thinking and acting can help you move forward. You may be ambivalent about letting go of some of the things you are doing that are holding you back. There may be pleasures associated with these behaviors. Having dinner with him, for instance, may have felt good in certain ways. But it was an indulgence you could ill afford. It set you back.

But if you want to move forward, you can. There are things you can do. You can harden yourself with the facts. Get the facts in your head. Hammer them in there. Say these things to yourself: He is not coming back. This thing is over. He is the ex. He is gone. That relationship is in the past. He has moved on. You don't need him. You made the right decision. You were smart to break up with him. You had the courage and the intelligence to do the right thing, in spite of how hard it was. What he's doing now is of no concern to you.

As you try to cleanse your mind of him, also cleanse your house. Whatever keepsakes you have around the house, get rid of them. Do not know his phone number. If his phone number is programmed into your cellphone, delete it. If his picture is displayed in your house, put it away somewhere. (If in cleaning the house you find yourself pausing with keepsakes, stop it! Don't pause to remember! Just put it away!) Do not discuss him with friends. Refuse to learn anything about his new girlfriend. Do not picture her in his car. Do not picture her at all. Do not picture either one of them. Banish him from your mind. Do it forcefully.

You will be happier once you do this.

But you may encounter resistance from yourself. After all, you are waging an internal struggle. So if you find yourself unable to stop thinking about him or imagining the future with him, try this: Sit quietly somewhere, when you have an hour or so of spare time. Perhaps when you are lying in bed about to go to sleep, or in the afternoon sitting in a park, or in the morning with coffee, or -- I don't know when, why am I suggesting times? That isn't important! What is important is that you consider carefully the content of each thought you have concerning this boyfriend.

What do you feel when you think about having broken up with him? Do you feel regret? That's OK. You can feel regret. It doesn't mean you have to change it. It's done. You may regret your decision. But it is a material fact: You are broken up. It is over. He is not coming back. He is an ex-boyfriend. Feel the regret. But know that it's done. Embrace these phenomena independently. See how different they are. One is something you do yourself, within yourself. The other is external, done, beyond anyone's control.

Consider also the habitual ways in which you refer to him. If we are having trouble accepting a fact, sometimes we find ways of not saying it. Do you refer to him as your ex-boyfriend, or do you talk around that fact? Make sure in your habits of speech that you say the truth: He is your ex-boyfriend. If someone asks, say you are glad you did what you did, even though it has at times been hard. Do not go into detail. Do not rehearse the emotions you have. Let them die out.

You also say, "I can't help remembering our vacations, our travels and how happy (I think) I was with him." Let me suggest to you that even if you believe your are powerless over these memories, try to exercise some control over them. Refuse to luxuriate in them. When you find yourself remembering those times with pleasure, stop. Don't do it. Turn your thoughts to something else.

And above all, if you should find yourself thinking about having dinner with him again any time soon, douse your head in ice water. Dinner with your ex is needless torture. Don't do it. Just don't do it.

Why is it so?

Dry spells.. haven't settled for any jobs yet.. want to but just dun have the self control to.. but anyways, i'm comin by just fine..

Just a short post to recollect some of the recent events.. So SOME people will know what's going on lest they start complaining they have no idea what's happenining.

Camp... This coming thursday.. Wanna go, dun wanna go.. why is this happening? i realized i'm becoming more and more fickle minded... gotta snap out of this.. Firm decisions are a MUST (reminder to self)

Pat... my condolences.. yes i know.. Milan's first goal was a deflection but they still scored 2 against Liverpool right? Yes i know... you called me when Liverpool equalized and perhaps they ought to win but Milan still won it.. Come on... Life goes on.. Next year alright?

Mr Xxxxxx... How could anyone or anything in the world convince you that constant suggestive conversations inclusive of sexual inuendos will NOT get the girl to bed with you.. Grow up.. Be smart..

To say the least... from the crazy banana

My current prized possession...

Come on... i deserved it..

Ok... maybe not.. but i got it anyway..

The X-Box 360.. the tool of my relaxation..

Don't worry friends.. you're not forgotten..





Now.. onto serious stuff..
Thought of the day: If we're all going to die someday, why do we work our asses off for an employer who probably doesn't give a damn about our survival?

Some answers i thought of for some..

Why do some guys cheat? How can i be sure that my guy doesn't?

Now... Of course.. not all guys cheat.. but that's a very good question.. how would i know mine won't? A simple equation: Cheating guys most probably=Always not contended with what they have, Non-Cheating guys most probably=Contended with what they have. Of course...the word is "PROBABLY". It's not a confirmation.. unless i discuss this with my rocket scientist, i'll let you know again. Well, apart from that, it takes two hands to clap.. So it's either the female doesn't know the guy all that well, if not, something the female did is either not right, or not enough. Take it from the farmer.. Why does his cows stay in his farm? That's because they're having a good time! Of course i'm not comparing females to animals or females to cows.. Just my analogy.
AND please do not get the wrong idea and misunderstand it as i'm telling the females to go please their guys.. Down to the bottom line, know your guy inside out. I know it's wrong to say this because my male boos would probably kill me for saying this.. but do what it takes to know what your guy is up to. Trust is essential in a relationship "YES" but trust has to be earned "BIG YES".

How do I get on with life after a broken relationship?

A very common question.. and i believe you've probably asked many people.. It's good to ask questions.. DO NOT bottle things up. I've been through that.. and it hurts like hell. Now.. let's cut the chase and hit it right on spot. Easy.. you SAY you wanna let go but your heart says OTHERWISE. The more confirmations you get from others, the softer the voice is in your heart. My friend... it doesn't work that way! You're simply just drowning out the voice in your heart. After the water dries up, you'll hear it again. The mind holds reasonable thoughts.. the heart doesn't. Follow your heart when it comes to love.. but heal with the mind because practically speaking, the heart is weak but the mind is strong. "I can't do without him!" Did he feed you as you grew up? Did he breathe the breath of life upon you? No! Emotions are in built within us to make us human... they're not there to destroy you!

Hope this helps.. Otherwise, i shall get help from my rocket scientist..

The melancholy life...

I know how some may feel.. that life is a joke?

Why is there only 24 hours in a day? why not 26? why not 28?

Time... Something we all have but yet find so hard to grasp.. So hard to control.. Time.. Something that passes so fast and when you feel that you might just have enough time to do something, it's too late. A relative of mine just got married at the young age of 25. No no... not a shotgun marriage.. A haste to some.. in fact most.. So what now? Is it better to do things too fast? or too slow?

P** **N, for your case, too late for explanations and apologies.. Perhaps we could still be friends if you didn't try to explain things. Explanations... i thought it would be for the better? Guess you did a bad job at that.
You're wrong for one thing. There ARE people whom i appreciate in life.. but you're one of those whom i have come to a dead end and that is as far as our friendship go. I should be forgiving? yes..to a certain extent.. but i'm not God.. i'm human.

On the lighter side of things, time has been partially fair to me.. One friendship all patched up. Just want to tell you that i'm really glad that it worked out this way for us! I'm not sure about you, but it is a matter of importance that i am your friend again.. For i do not want to be only a memory in your life..

Just some random thoughts today.. For tomorrow, it's back to the vicious cycle of my life of melancholy.. the working life.

A verse...for a loved one..

Say hello to my little sister,
On 16th July far away she'l be.
The more i try, it just gets tougher,
I know very little of you i'll see.

Be safe, be strong, have faith in God,
For he will be your light, your fire.
I know you are, no longer a tod,
but to say i'm not worried, i'l be a liar.

An excellent brother, i may not have been,
but love for a sibling, i hope you've seen.
Of all the joy and tears we all have shared,
Seeing you grow up was what made me glad...

A note to lil' sis: Everytime, anytime you're down, look at this, and smile to it.. I will then see your smile in my dreams..

The revolution begins...

Greetings to those who will read this post

Yes.. This is indeed my first post of my first-going-to-be-frequently-updated blog. I will not deny it.. I AM lazy to update things like friendster, blogs and other whatnots.. but due to requests of friends, i am compelled to start this blog to document the things i go through in life and lessons i've learnt in time spent on Earth.

So lay back, enjoy yourself with visuals and a pint of cold beer, occasionally knocking yourself out laughing at parts of my life.